The ManU Devil Wears Prada

What happens when you mix something good with something bad?  Mix honey with vinegar- the honey is ruined, and the vinegar did not get any less sour-salty-weird.  Both are ruined, and the result is anything but pleasant.  But in relationships, this logic need not apply.  Before the chaos and martyrdom ensues, there’s this crazy ignited spark that shines brightly, but quickly, until it inevitably burns out.  Which might be what’s going on with Fred the Red.


Mascot for this little Premier League Soccer team called Manchester United, Fred has been named the most popular mascot in the world, though that may be due to the ridiculous size of the fanbase, and not the cuteness of the mascot.  He is the devil, after all, and has the tail to prove it.
Founded 137 years ago as the soccer club team of the Carriage and Wagon Department of the Lancashire and Yorkshire Railway Company, it has since grown to a $2 billion empire, and the most valuable soccer team in the world.  You’d think they’d invest some of that in a better mascot.  Half bear, half satan, Fred is a one of a kind creature.  Fred was born back in 1994, so it’s tough to believe that his 15 minutes of fame are not up, but he continues to have a ginormous following.  Maybe the stockholders will join together and make it change- you, too can buy a piece of MANU on the NYSE.  It’s only $17.35 per share!
At least they made him cute in stuffed form.  🙂
images (1)

Scary Sun

Patrick_Star+ images = ?????

If you were asked to explain why a team name matches the puzzle above, what would you say?

1. They really like Spongebob’s BFF?
2. They were founded by a dude with the same name as Spongebob’s BFF?
3. They have little invisible spikes that are annoying?
4. They want to see Spongebob’s BFF get hurt playing in a field?
All wrong!!!
Patrick Thistle is a Scottish Premier Football team that is named for the town from where they were founded, Patrick.  There is not really a an explanation for the Thistle portion, but I am happy that they included it in their logo!  Maybe they want to stab the competition in a minor, yet very annoying way.
As traditional soccer teams often go, they did not get a mascot until 2011.  They went almost 140 years without the best portion of sports!  And I’m so happy they caught on, because their first mascot, Jaggy MacBee, for MacB Capital, was adorable!
But as sponsors switch, so too must mascots.  And in June, 2015, Kingsford Capital took over, and unveiled Kingsley, this frightening sunlike creature.
Designed by an award-winning artist, he’s, well, frightening.  The only popularity received by this mascot is endless busted-face Lisa Simpson jokes.  Poor Lisa.
If this hasn’t made you rethink amphetamine abuse, I don’t know what will.  Just say no!

Mascots and Minions

According to Wikipedia, a certain sports team is given the following nicknames:

The Toffees
The Blues
The School of Science
The People’s Club
How is a sports team “The School of Science?”  That’s so weird.  It’s pretty clear that we are not talking about any team in the United States, but rather from our high-class parents across the Atlantic Ocean.
Thank you, United Kingdom, for making sure that even your sports teams are keeping up with appearances.
Everton F.C is a Premier League team founded 137 years ago.  But somewhere along the way, they got smart, and made this amazing elephant as their mascot.
Named after a sponsor, Chang Beer, Changy is said to be a bad role model due to his reference to alcohol, and name being slang for cocaine.  And that he exacerbates these references by getting overly emotional at games. But he’s just so adorable!
I know they’re supposed to be fighting, but they’re just both so cute and happy!
images (1)
Ya know who also likes soccer?  Minions, which comes out today, and of course I will be at the first showing!!

Princess Leia

I officially know nothing about sports throughout the rest of the world.  I thought everywhere else was all about soccer the way that we are all about football.  But thanks to Derby County FC in the UK, I know differently now.  This soccer club only formed because the cricket team was very successful, and the team’s owners thought that they should keep fans interested during the offseason.


Part of the English League, they’ve been around since 1884, and know that the way to keep fans is get an awesome mascot.  So they got this guy:
Rammie is goofy, but still totally cracking me up.  And just like all other members of the team, he is sure to stretch and warm up before participating in any physical activities.
This is just too happy.  Rammie wants you to have a happy Tuesday.  If you’re lucky like me, you get a sweet long weekend, and today means you’re halfway through the week!
I just wanted to point out a slight resemblance here…

Stiff Brits

Americans are known to hate soccer because of the whimpy little men in shorts running around and faking a ton of injuries.  But all of the rage, anger, and real pain is taken care of by the mascots, so it seems.  These guys are crazy!  Where’s the public persona?  The fun-loving happies?  The United Kingdom must define mascots much differently.

Especially Torquay United, a member of the English Association Football Club.
Sure, Gilbert the Gull looks happy and fun loving, but he once called the opposing team’s fans c***s.  Yeah we don’t do that here.  He’s also been known to do quite the amount of swearing and bad hand gestures.  By the way, the team lost that day, 3-2.
Does it creep anyone else out that the top half looks just like a bird, but the bottom is still super human?  Shouldn’t they cover that up somehow?
But no matter what, I still like him more than the logo.  How boring.
By the way, buddy, you got no guns.

Welcome to the Jungle

I’ve been asked a few times today “Rita, why are these mascot emails coming in so late?”  This will be shocking, maybe sit down for this, but umm, I sometimes do work at work.  Like, they give me projects, and then I try to figure them out.  I’m sometimes not successful, but I try anyway.

And because I’m too lazy to think of a segue into this, I’m just gonna start talking about a gorilla.
This is Socrates, who represents the Atlanta Silverbacks in the North American Soccer League.  While the combination of soccer and uncute mascot with a weird name is not usually one that I choose, this guy I gotta give props to.  The gorilla is rarely used as a mascot.  And, unlike most soccer teams, this mascot has a background story.  He’s from Africa and was actually the leader of his tribe back there before being given the opportunity of a lifetime to become a mascot.  He loves eating leaves (what about bananas?), hates quiet fans, and is constantly caught jamming to “Welcome to the Jungle.”
I find his logo to be flippin sweet.
And he’s kinda cute in the kids club.  AWWW, those are good hugging arms!

Bada** Swan

I’ve previously brought up the idea that there are two kinds of mascots- those who are adorable, and those who are tough.  But evidently there is a third kind- those who are adorable but want to prove to you how tough they really are.  You know, like the suburbia kid who pretends they’re all hood by smoking a cigarette behind the CVS after school, but they still wear Abercrombie and get home before curfew.

That kid is Cyril the swan, from Swansea City Football Club.  images
Swans are connected with beauty and grace, and that long, thin neck makes him look very delicate.  But he hates this image, and likes to pick fights with many of his opponent mascots.
download (1)
His favourite move is the drop-kick, which is usually what gets him kicked out of games, especially when he uses it on the PR people.  He’s even been fined money after telling an opponent mascot “Don’t fuck with the swans.”
But in case you think this might ruin his life, don’t worry, he somehow still has a wife, who has stuck by him for ten years, through all the antics and mayhem.
His head is down like he is ashamed.  What did he do that his wife will yell at him for later?
Supposedly swans can fly, but somehow I feel like the size of his head versus the size of his wings mean he doesn’t migrate for the changing seasons.